Thought it might be time to freshen up the plot, by introducing new characters. After all, that’s what all long-running soaps do, from time to time. I think the usual formula is to kill off one and bring in two, but fortunately all my current characters are alive and well, so you will just have to concentrate a bit harder as the cast expands.
My friends, Jim and June are Scottish ex-pats living in Spain, up in the hills near to Estepona where we have a time-share at the Marriott. ( Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you Marriott. I will be back on your case tomorrow ) They are a super couple and we see them literally once a year on our annual trip when we go to a fish restaurant together and Jim reserves a table in the name of Jimmi Hendrix ( “ JH “ you see ) The staff call him Mr Hendrix which is not only quite sweet but also fairly colour-blind.
If my kosher friends are reading this and wonder what on earth I am doing eating in a non-kosher, non-vegetarian restaurant let me put your minds at rest. I always have the same thing. A starter of local tomatoes . As big as footballs and beautifully sliced. A bit like the Newcastle United striker, Joelinton who cost about £35m and slices ever shooting opportunity he gets in front of goal. ( My son Nicky who is filling his evenings ( his days are very full with work ) playing FIFA Football Manager tells me he is equally bad as a gaming character as he is on the actual field of play) . Then local sea-bass cooked in salt ( a local delicacy ) and a great mixed salad.
So, Jim was involved in football having been CEO at Celtic for years and then fulfilling the same role at Fulham with Mohamed Al Fayed and then decided to start a new life in Spain. (I think working for Al Fayed does that to you ) He and June entered into the spirit of things by taking Spanish lessons but sadly never moved on from the present tense which makes for interesting conversations with the locals. He’s got some great stories of his years as a football administrator, but at the moment is stuck in Thailand. He and his wife went for a holiday and can’t get back home. In exchanging messages he asked me “What is a blog ? “ Now, that’s an interesting question and I could fill the rest of today’s blog with a philosophical debate on the subject quoting Socrates, Hegel, Bertrand Russell and Karl Marx but I am going to settle for a quote from my friend Jeff Caine ( can’t have all new characters) when he said, “ it was the first refuge of the wannabe writer and the last refuge of the over-the-hill professional. “ It was being saved as his tombstone epitaph but now I’ve used it he will just have to think of something else.
There is a new courtesy amongst bloggers. We give each other a plug. So here’s one for the latest recruit to The Wonderful Wacky World of Blogging ( couldn’t think of enough words beginning with “ BL “ so make that perfectly onomatopaeic ( is that even a word ? and if it is, then is it the right word? Or should it be ‘alliterative’ ? Or is this all just too much for a Sunday morning ? ) Anyway, welcome andreaneidle.wordpress.com/2332. She’s always correcting my mistakes, or at least those rare ones that the eagle-eyed daughter-in-law Rachel lets slip through, so now I looking forward to having the opportunity of correcting hers.
My other new character is Michael Tattersall. Welcome, Mike and take a bow. He’s also in the world of football ( and whilst we’re on the subject it’s April next week and my team Newcastle are not only still in the FA Cup, but haven’t lost for over a month…. It’s not often I can type a sentence like that and I probably will never be able to do so again. Just before I get on to the reason why Mike ( who lives in Blackburn by the way…. suppose somebody has to ) is popping up, talking of Newcastle and the FA Cup reminds me that I told my wife that we could only start a family when they actually won the Cup. It’s lucky she didn’t take me literally and in the end we settled for two losing Finals or else we’d still be waiting for the patter of tiny feet. I had a moment of nostalgia yesterday and used my Newcastle cup (usually reserved for match days to bring us luck…. I used to have a pair of black and white pants as well, but they went into holes ) for my afternoon cuppa at exactly the moment that Jeff Stelling was usually saying what he said every week as the results came through, “Newcastle United, nil “ Even our Eurovision entries get more votes than Newcastle get goals.
Michael and I speak every day. Several times. My wife thinks that he and I are having an affair. But, there is a good reason for our conversations as he is the CEO of The National League to which I am the Legal Advisor and whose clubs are having a very hard time without any income coming in at the gate. Michael has been following my blogs but the poor bloke has been so busy fielding the emotions of all 68 of our clubs that he is running a few days behind and he begged me to tell him the ending of the Nicky/Wanda storyline. I refused to spoil it for him and in fact, when you finally catch up Michael, it’s still alive and running.
Nicky is missing her, of course, though her life-style living with two nice people who are dog-lovers and Fred their dog, ( you remember, the one with the lisp ) and running free in a big garden doesn’t sound bad to me. But, that may all come to an end as she is at present booked on a flight back to the UK on April 6th assuming there are still flights and I suppose assuming there is still a UK. If any of my other readers know Michael and are up to date please don’t spoil it for him.
I talked about my two children and I am mindful of the fact that I currently have two grandchildren. Sam’s had more than enough publicity so I am turning to one-year-old Cara today, cos we love her just as much even if she isn’t blogging. I won’t go into the details of what she is doing that might approximate with that. We missed her first birthday party and had to settle for attendance on face-time but I am much encouraged by the fact that unlike everybody else in the known universe she seems to appreciate my singing. I’ve even written her a song and when I launch into it over the phone she gives us a smile that fills the screen
“ If you’re Cara and you’re happy, clap your hands,
If you’re Cara and you’re happy, clap your hands
If you’re Cara and you’re happy and you have a brand new nappy
If you’re Cara and you’re happy clap your hands. “
Feel free to join in the chorus, if you like.
Hopefully, Rachel is going to add a photo or two of her today so you can also share in her smile.
On the subject of new songs, who else but Bob Dylan, the Bobster himself, could bring out a new single of 17 minutes duration in these tricky times? Unlike Dua Lipa ( for my older readers she’s a very successful pop singer ) who claims she is bring out her new album early to cheer people up… maybe we can be the judges of that Dua, Bob has no such pretensions. The song is called “ Murder Most Foul “ and it’s all about the assassination of JFK. Not a lot of laughs in it but he does get in some great references to The Beatles ( am I the only one who thought they made bubble-gum music compared to The Stones? ) and Gerry and The Pacemakers and Marilyn Monroe. Check it out on Apple music and tell me what you think. All I know is that I played it twice whilst doing my morning cycle on my exercise bike and ended up adding 4 minutes to my usual half an hour. That’s 2x17 minutes of the song for those of you who have lost the plot.
Anyway, lots to do today.. My wife is cleaning my office whilst I type. I have offered to help, but the dust sets off my asthma ( more of that tomorrow too… bet you can’t wait ) . It was Quentin Crisp ( he of The Naked Civil Servant ) who said after the first six months of not cleaning your room it simply didn’t matter. And my office is a striking illustration of that. So, let me leave you all and my fellow bloggers with the thought that if you write a blog about Shergar or Red Rum are you…. wait for it, Sam ( and my pal Colin who loves puns too ) Blogging a Dead Horse ?
See you all tomorrow if we are spared. Take care and be safe.
