I am writing this early on Sunday morning having been woken up before four today by flashing red lights and noise in the sky. I initially decided that having softened us up with the Big V this was an invasion from outer space. The Martians were coming. It was truly The War of the Worlds. My wife, whose feet are rather more firmly planted in reality, told me after a cursory glance, that it was helicopter. I wondered what on earth a helicopter was doing circling the North London skies at that unearthly hour and she reckoned they were looking for miscreants as there has been a spate of burglaries, car thefts and car-jacking in our leafy neighbourhood. That led me to think that maybe it was the helicopter, itself. that had been stolen. Who would steal a helicopter, she asked? Or rather, sneered. As I lay trying to get back to sleep I searched for the answer to that question, if indeed it was a question.
Then it came to me. It was a bunch of young blades going on a choppering expedition and skylarking around. I bet you miss those jokes coming at you every day.
Meanwhile, in these days we truly are living in Science Fiction. I am hoping that my blog has provided some form of escapism. So, I am puzzled when friends ask me if I have seen some film or other about a plague or a virus threatening the end of the world. I am equally puzzled that BBC Radio 4 is broadcasting “ The Plague “ by Albert Camus. When Science Fiction becomes reality what is the point?
Dr Who, on the other hand is a totally different kettle of fish. I unashamedly love Dr Who. I think I may have seen every episode from the creaky cardboard sets of William Hartnell to the high tech of Jodie Whitaker. There is a gift shop in Penzance which for years has had a Dalek in the window. Not a miniature one like the item my grandson bought me as a present along with a Tardis ( if only I had a real one of those… and I am waiting for a quiz that poses the question what the acronym stands for… attended a quiz the other week with a round of acronyms and I thought this is my moment… but instead got things like NATO and SWAT etc) But, back to the life size Dalek in working order in the gift shop window. It’s never been for sale before, but the owner obviously has hit hard times and is prepared to sell it. If only it wasn’t quite so far away I would be down there like a shot. Can you imagine bringing it home on the train, occupying a seat and saying , “ Exterminate “ every time the ticket collector comes past.
Another good question is to name all the Dr Who’s. Without relying on google see how you do. The only clue I will give you is that there have been thirteen of them on tv ( a couple more in the cinema but they don’t count for us Whovians )
One man who could afford the Dalek and could then take it anywhere in the world on his private jet is Jeff Bezos. He is the Founder and pretty much the owner of Amazon. Over the past few months I ( like many others have contributed substantially to his wealth.) It seems that his fortune increases by £13 billion ( yes pounds, not dollars ) a day. Yes, a day, not a month or a year or a decade or a life-time. He gave his ex-wife $4.6 billion dollars as a settlement and did not even notice the loss of the loose change. He also owns The Washington Post so he can write nice articles about himself and also promote his company by allowing readers to read between the lines. Eat your heart out Harry and Meghan because Bezos already owns the most expensive home in LA. They will have to do a fair bit of after dinner speaking at a million buck a pot to catch up with good old Jeff. Or star in the movie adaptation of this new book about them. If I am looking for a fraternal dispute then the Liam/Noel Gallagher one is far more interesting than William and Harry. Oasis were a great band. The Royals, not so much.
I’m not done with Bezos yet. I’ve given him some airspace before regarding the odd name he chose for his child and his obsession with space exploration. I think he can not only afford the Dalek, but his own personal Tardis as well. He can then travel back in time to see (as was once famously asked of George Best, lying in a bed surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls and champagne bottles ) where it all went wrong.
It’s certainly gone wrong for a certain Mr Robert Berger in New York. Mind you a lot of things going wrong for a lot of people in the States at the moment. Mr Berger was due in court to be sentenced for possession of stolen property. With a solemn face his lawyer produced a death certificate for the aforementioned Mr Berger. However, an eagle eyed prosecutor, who’d obviously driven a fair number of defendants to an early grave, spotted that the certificate didn’t look quite right. For one, the type setting was unusual and then it also declared that it was issued by the “ Office of Vital Statistics and Regsitry “
Given that no model agency was involved to bring “ vital statistics “ into play and that the prosecutor had a good command of the English language and even accounting for the vagaries of American spelling “ Registry “ is spelled thus, it was decided that somebody, most probably Mr Berger, had been telling porkies. An investigation was launched and he was found in Pennsylvania, arrested, denied bail ( presumably to stop him killing himself again ) and charged with providing a false document to the court to add to his crimes.
I don’t think Mr Berger is a very good person because when they tracked him down in Pennsylvania he was found in the George W Hill Correctional Facility near Philadelphia having been arrested and accused of stealing from a Catholic college ( presumably he confessed and thought he might get away with three Hail Mary’s ) and providing a false identity to the police. I am thinking that he might now get a good long “ spell “ inside and come out able to spell “ Registry “ correctly.
There have been lots of odd stories doing the rounds in the gaps between my blogs. The problem is that without writing daily I tend to forget them. But, lets stick with American crime. I couldn’t forget Anthony Macias, who has been charged in Florida with allowing his pet kangaroo to escape. Young Anthony ( he’s only 24 ) was also charged with failing to possess the proper paper work and permit and here is something I didn’t know and I bet you didn’t too; local planning laws in Fort Lauderdale forbid kangaroos. Sounds somewhat discriminatory to me. You can keep a wombat, but not a kangaroo.
A police officer spotted “ Skippy “ ( my name not its, he’s really called Jack ) racing through a suburban neighbourhood and radioed back to base saying that he didn’t know what they ate and asking if anybody had any carrots.
The owner had taken out his recycling and his reward for his civic exercise was to allow the kangaroo to escape. He now faces up to 60 days in prison and a fine of $500 dollars and the authorities have kept the animal meanwhile as evidence. I really don’t make this stuff up. Maybe Anthony is trying to get a forged death certificate before his case comes to court.
Well, I am sure you agree all of that was worth waiting a few days for.
Also worth waiting for was a return to my synagogue yesterday for nineteen brave congregants. Not me, as yet, but baby steps back to normality.
Must wish one of my regular readers, another Anthony, well. He broke two fingers by slamming them in the door. I did tell him there are better uses for two fingers, like sticking them up to Corbyn and his awful cronies. There is a lot worse coming for them in the shape of litigation I am pleased to say. And there is crowd funding for his legal costs! What is the world coming to ? But as I said to Anthony on the phone ( not kangaroo Anthony ) in the words of Meatloaf ( almost ) “ Two out of five ain’t bad “
But a Bad Day yesterday as Barnet lost in the National League Play-Offs. Real shame as little Cara had even been taught to says the word “ Bee “ and walked around all day with one of her toys which has a bee on it. Buggered up my plan to celebrate my release next week by going to Wembley Stadium to see the Play-Off Final. Oh well, there is always next year as the new season starts at that level on October 5th. If we are spared . And the same applies to seeing you next time. Stay safe.