I had tea in the garden yesterday and my wife said close your eyes, feel the sun and we can imagine we’re back in South Africa, where we were what seems like a lifetime ago, but was really only last month. So, I did use my imagination, but without anybody trying to sell me The Big Issue at every traffic light, or the combies hooting every minute as they take their passengers to and from work, or being able to buy a coffee for less than a £1 with the exchange rate at 20, or the constant view of Table Mountain, it was quite tough .
Strangely, there is a sort of holiday feel to this whole thing. You know when you are at the airport on your way, buying a rubbish book and other stuff you really don’t need and will probably either leave for the cleaning staff or bring back with you and leave in a cupboard until it passes its sell-buy date, that the weeks ahead stretch endlessly. Then suddenly a week in you are counting down to the flight back and another airport where you are going to buy gifts for folk back home (to prove that you care and also that you’ve been somewhere exotic when they haven’t….. missing the point that their holiday is yet to come when you are back at work), and those gifts will be left in their cupboards until they pass their sell-by dates or be given to charity shops or as a make-shift Xmas present to a neighbour they don’t really like.
And then it is the flight back and your plane is descending through the grey clouds of a London morning and then you are stuck on the M25 with your driver enjoying his captive audience and telling you all the news you’ve been desperately trying to avoid whilst you have been lolling on the beach. But, the point I am leading up to, albeit in a somewhat rambling way is that this current holiday isn’t ending anytime soon, even if you have that same panic feeling on the countdown to its end. So, in a way, try to make the most of it. With so much time on our hands it’s very easy to leave things until the next day or even kick them into the long grass. Which, as our gardener hasn’t come, is getting longer and longer. And we no longer possess a lawn mower so I am wondering if I can buy a couple of sheep on Amazon to do the job. I’ve got a daily list of things to do and strangely it’s been longer at the end of each day than at the start. Go figure?
Returning to my vacation back-garden tea party, Isabella (the gin-drinking 94 year old neighbor) did sort of join us from a safe distance on her side of the fence and, before she had to answer her phone, did tell me that she remembered actually going to see ‘The Lady Vanishes’ in the cinema in 1938 and that I’d also stuck a chord when I said she might soon need a gin bottle refill. And talking of refills, and despite the pervading war-time spirit, I am feeling a little desperate myself as our bottle of 12 year Balblair whisky has about one glassful left in it. So, if anybody is passing an off license (which actually has some stock left on its shelves…. don’t you just love us Brits. There is a pandemic going on out there and we are finding consolation in alcohol) and wants to give some old people a gift, you can leave the bottles at the bottle of my drive.
We certainly won’t be getting it from Sainsburys. Finally got through on the phone yesterday to their so-called helpline for those of us who can’t get out. I think the use of the word “help” was very loose. A recorded message claimed to have identified all those in need (well I’m in need and I’ve certainly not been identified) and if you wanted further assistance to go to the Gov UK website, which as law-abiding citizens we duly did. And you know what? Couldn’t find a thing on it to tell us how to tell Sainsburys (or any supermarket for that matter) that we need food. Now, I haven’t tweeted for years but I’ve now posted three messages @Sainsburys and heard nothing. Not a message. Not a tweet. And its super frustrating because I know they have lots of food on their shelves because everybody else tweeting said so.
We had a false dawn when my daughter-in law found an on-line company that delivers boxes of fruit and veg. Inevitably they had no small or medium ones left so I invested £45 in a large one. That was three days ago and it seems we aren’t on their post code for a delivery today. So, the best we can hope for is to get our money back to join the small fortune I am amassing from the return of money for events that aren’t happening. Like, life generally I suppose.
Perversely, with us being able to delay paying tax and VAT, and with nothing to buy, there does seem to be excess money sloshing around. I mean the Government (and that Chancellor bloke whose name I forgot to check out yet again) seem to be printing the stuff. There may be no correlation between that and the fact that the US are emptying their prisons, but one of the guys who seems to qualify for release (doubt he’d qualify for a Sainsburys delivery though) is Bernie Madoff. We’d forgotten all about him hadn’t we? I remember being in 5th Avenue Synagogue in New York, which had been a particular verdant pasture for him to plough and where many of the community had lost small (and large fortunes). I got the feeling the Rabbi might have been one of them as he said in his sermon in a forgiving ecumenical way demonstrating true religious forgiveness “May he stay in that dark place forever”, and now that doesn’t look like happening. And his is a name I won’t forget so maybe our Chancellor could call good old Bernie in as a special adviser as to where to invest all this money that’s being thrown at us and that we ourselves are saving. I’m up for it. Any other volunteers?
Just to return to the story of Wanda the dog. I’m relieved to say that she has been returned to LA and a loving home with a guy called Jamie and his wife, Amanda, and their dog called Fred (though Jamie thinks it has a lisp so calls him Fwed) and a garden Obviously Nicky would have preferred to have her here but at least she’s not going to spend the rest of the war (whoops, slip of the keyboard, I meant duration) stuck in San Francisco. I’m sure you would all love to see what she looks like so my techie daughter-in-law Rachel has uplifted (note from so-called techie daughter-in-law here, who is the one updating this blog, that Mel actually means ‘uploaded’) some pics.
Speaking of my techie family, my grandson Sam has started his own blog as I mentioned yesterday . You can find it at www.stuckindoors.net. It’s great. I offered him the chance to share this platform but I don’t think he wanted to be tarred with the reputation of my bad jokes. Can’t blame him.
So, let me end with a BA rant (will leave Marriott till tomorrow). They are cancelling flights left right and centre (probably sometimes in mid-air and making passengers buy their own parachute). Yesterday was the ultimate in chutzpah though. They offered you triple avios points if you shopped with them online. They didn’t mention that they had no flights on which you could use them of course. Nor that they aren’t returning monies for flights already booked, but merely giving credit vouchers to us to be used on …. yes you guessed it flights that aren’t taking off. Brilliant policy. When they run into terminal financial trouble maybe they can merge with Sainsburys as they both seem to have the same customer friendly outlook.
Anyway, so much to do, so many places not to go. Be safe and well and enjoy your virtual walks and virtual shopping.
