We all have different approaches to this Big V situation. Me, I am loving the texts I am getting from the NHS ever since they assessed me as highly vulnerable ( at least the phone calls and the food packages have stopped ) but the messages continue to flood my phone and you can’t opt out. So, today’s told me that if I was struggling or finding it hard to cope, then I should call The Samaritans. It gives me a number as well. I am thinking of phoning and asking if they can get the NHS off my back and get them to send me more cheerful messages. Like, “ June 30th isn’t that far away “ or “ You’ve already served 43 days of your confinement, so how bad can another 65 days be ? “
I am also loving the approach of the King of Sanwi ( where the hell is Sanwi, I hear you ask? And how is it that I didn’t know it had a royal family ?.... Maybe that’s somewhere we could have sent Prince Andrew and you might see why if you hang on in here ) Anyway, Sanwi is a traditional kingdom in the south-east corner of Ivory Coast. See, this isn’t just any blog, it’s an educational one as well. The King, whose name I sadly do not know, but intend to find out because he sounds even more barking than Trump, held a….. wait for it…. an exorcism ceremony last week to rid his three million ( yes, three million so it’s quite a large kingdom then ) subjects of The Big V. I am assuming that may not have worked ( although probably safer than self-injection with Dettol ) because this week he is considering a procession of naked women in the hope that will seek the protection of spirits to ward off The Big V. As far as spirits are concerned I think I will just wait for my delivery of wine and whisky which is due to arrive on Friday.
However, I am guessing Andrew might enjoy the naked women procession bit, as would BoJo who’s never shown a lack of enthusiasm for the company of the opposite sex, naked or otherwise. I saw a picture of BoJo today and he doesn’t look so great, poor sausage. Time for more sick-notes I think. His hair is wilder than usual, mind you, whose isn’t? Nice bit of writing by Giles Coren in The Times today about cutting his own hair. He doesn’t have to write a blog because he has his own column But blogs are arising thick and fast. My friend Andrea ploughs relentlessly on and finds something new to say everyday ( she gave me a mention the day before yesterday so I am reciprocating ) and now our Rabbi’s wife, Ilana ( she of the challah baking lessons ) is starting one too ( I offered to post the link but I haven’t had it yet mainly because the poor Rabbi himself has three more funerals today in the rain ) But as soon as I get it I will.
Sam’s seems to have become a little sporadic as he is very busy with school work, on line Fortnite with his school mates, playing table tennis with his Daddy, baking with his step mum and playing with his sister Cara who was last seen riding on his back with the determination a lady jockey ( you can’t call them jockettes, by the way ) might show coming over the last fence in the Grand National. Yip. All the World’s a Blog and all the people in it merely bloggers. Bring it on, I am really not scared of competition.
Sam and Rachel made pretzels yesterday , it’s scones today and are planning a challah later in the week. They aren’t the only ones baking. My elder son, Nicky has had a go to0. Now, you need some background to this. He’s had his flat in London for about fifteen years I reckon and the micro-wave still has on its original protective wrapping. Before the big shut down he had a fridge which was as empty as my football team’s trophy cabinet. If you went there for tea you not only had to take you own food, but your own tea-bags, coffee and milk as well. Now, suddenly, he decided to make some banana bread . He then discovered he needed flour, of which there appears to be a great shortage. And a baking tin. In fact, the only ingredient he did have was the bananas. He finally managed to get the tins on line (very small ones were all that was available ) and on one of his shopping forays for cashews, smoked salmon and other necessities for those in his block of flats who can’t get out, he got the flour. It was a resounding success and he proudly sent us photos and I, suspect, posted them on every form of social media he uses. There are negotiations in hand for a Checkpoint-Charlie type exchange with Rachel and Sam’s scones Mind you his story is better than that of my niece’s friend who had two over-ripe and inedible bananas and invested in £40 worth of cooking equipment to make them into a banana cake or bread ( not sure which, but I guess it doesn’t matter )
As you know by now I do watch a fair bit of tv. But, never those self-congratulatory bake off type programmes. Yet, I am pretty proud of this unexpected family bake-off. Speaking of tv there is a super little series called “ In My Skin “ It’s set in a Welsh comprehensive school and describes itself as a comedy when it’s more a tragi-comedy. I do urge you to watch it though. Just as soon I hope I will be watching Premier League football again. Training is starting and looks like there has to be a match schedule approved by May 25th. That will lift the Nation’s spirits I am sure ( and that’s neither sarcastic nor ironic nor even satirical ) It is a fact that when we in England do well as a sporting nation productivity increases. If only there was anything to produce, of course.
The one thing I will never watch on tv ( well, actually there’s quite a lot… The News, Question Time, Andrew Marr, Breakfast tv, Coronation Street, Eastenders, Casualty, Holby City, anything written by Julian Fellowes whose latest atrocity was Belgravia ) but the real one thing is any shopping channels. So, how is it that I come to find myself with a porch that looks like Santa’s Grotto. Quite apart for the Sainsbury’s deliveries ( which are working a treat thank you very much ) we’ve got regular stuff coming from Amazon ( can never remember what I ordered so each parcel has its own little surprise inside ) Boots, John Lewis, Nova Flowers, Costco, and now some Cowshed stuff is on its way via Soho House.. If you haven’t tried Cowshed it’s terrific. All sorts of bath shower and hair wash products. They’ve just rebranded but I used to like the fact that one of the items you could buy was “Knackered Cow “ which may or not have had any correlation with “ Sexy Cow “ another product on offer.
The fact is that I can’t stop buying stuff on line. It’s my own little shopping channel/ department store. Every time I go on to buy a book I also buy something I really don’t need just to keep the drama and excitement of these deliveries going. So far there has been an Nespresso machine, a soup maker, a lawn mower ( that was a big parcel and not really a surprise ) oil for our treadmill ( my exercise bike has developed a fault and tells me I am cycling at 15 miles an hour… in my dreams …, ) hand and body creams, plasters, and I am just about to order some after shave and new sheets ( no connection whatsoever , but John Lewis sell them both ) The fact is that I have in reality never spent so little money in my life. No petrol, no theatre or cinema tickets, no new clothes, ( the Barnet Chairman kindly delivered four pairs of new track-suit bottoms and I’ve still got the labels on stuff I bought in South Africa in January and February which seems a long time ago ) no meals out, no dinners parties for which I have to buy something to take in. Having a conversation with my Financial Adviser this afternoon and will balance the bad news he will be telling me against the good news of my frugality.
I need to stop now because I think there’s another delivery at the door I think . I count all the delivery vans in from my little office window and then count them out again. We have to grab the highlights of our day where we can.
Anyway, stay safe and if we are spared I will see you all again tomorrow