Just to squeeze out the last drops from the Nicky/Wanda story-line, yes, they are re-united . A boy and his dog. Don’t you just love a happy ending? Though she’s a bit ….. wait for it….pet-lagged after such a long flight. She woke Nicky up at 3.am and he found himself walking the very dark and empty streets of Edgware with her until she had concluded her business. Though we did have many suggestions as to what she might have watched on the plane. Such as “ Dog Day Afternoon “ or “ The Lady and the Tramp “ “ Beethoven,” or Turner and Hooch“ Or from my old school pal, Roger Bardle, a regular reader, some thoughts on the music to which she might have listened, Dion ( how many of you can remember him or more to the point the name of his backing group before he went solo ) “ The Wanderer” was his big hit. Get it? Wanda ? The Wanderer? Yes. I know. (I mean she is only 18 months and this was her third flight)… or Help Me Wanda. “ Roger, don’t call us, we’ll call you. Meanwhile, never one to miss an opportunity, I am negotiating the movie rights deal for the story with Disney, though they say they’d prefer it if Nicky was a cute 12-year-old , with freckles and still with gaps in his front teeth, rather than a 43 year old music lawyer!
So that was a good news day for a change. I tried to post a pic of Wanda on my Facebook page where I post the daily link to the blog, but have no idea if that worked or not. The bad news was my weekly update from Fitbit. I know so many people who are obsessed with their I-phones. They can’t go more than 10 seconds without looking at them to make sure they haven’t missed some vital social posting like how long the posting person has had to wait in line for their morning coffee at Starbucks. I am like that with my Fitbit in my obsessive effort to clock up 10,000 steps.
Now, I’ve heard doctors and the like on the radio saying that in fact 10,000 isn’t a magic figure ( well we all know that’s 42, don’t we, as Douglas Adams said at the end of The Hitchhiker’s Galaxy series when it was revealed as the answer to everything ) but I still strive for it. Sometimes when I’ve got to the 9000’s towards the end of the day I prowl the house like a man demented ( which I probably am anyway ) just to get to my goal. Even when I cycle on a fixed bike in my little home gym ( well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration of a description as it’s the former play-room of the kids and only contains the exercise bike, a treadmill, an abdomeniser… no cracks about the efficacy of that please… and a couple of very random and very light weights,) I move my left arm to get some more “ steps “ under my belt. On my best weeks when I am on holiday I’ve reached 70,000 plus steps for a week, well, six days actually as I don’t wear it on a Saturday, but I got last week’s tally by email today and it was under 12,000!
You may think it doesn’t matter, that it’s not a competition, that only I know the extent of my failure ( well, me and you now ) but I am convinced there is some little bloke ( probably in a call centre in Ireland ) analyzing all the results and shaking his head sadly. That Mel Stein. Used to be a real contender and now, what, 11000 odd steps.? In a week ! Forget it. He may well be related to the lady who lives in my SatNav in the car and who sends me on routes that are twice as long as the ones I usually take, or the little folk who deliver emails. I used to think e-mail stood for elf mail.
It was a painful day when my grandson told me he didn’t believe in elves or fairies and that there was a very simple scientific explanation as to how sat navs or emails ( or fitbits ) worked. Me, I still very much believe in fairies. There’s the Fat Fairy who puts one foot on the scales when she stands behind you when you weigh yourself. And the Mess Fairy who comes into your home when you are out and creates havoc in the drawers where you keep your socks or your underwear when you know you left them tidy when you went out, or, worst of all, the Poison Fairy, who puts double gins in that glass of water you abstemiously ordered at the party. Sam, they really do exist. Honest.
Speaking of Sam if you aren’t following his blog www.stuckindoors.net then you really should. It’s very entertaining and totally off the wall. Wonder where he gets that from? Well, the off the wall bit anyway. Got a lovely video yesterday off him and his classmates tossing a toilet roll from one to the other Its called “ Year 6. Staying safe wih good clean fun. “ Only problem is the musical soundtrack where the first line is “ Rolling up another cigarette.“ Where’s the good clean fun in that ?? But what they’ve done is splice together individual videos to make one long one. He’s been with this bunch of kids since he was 3 and I can’t see the school reopening. It was closing this year anyway ( well done Sam you managed to close down a school… mind you when I was at school somebody burned down the chemistry wing by leaving some equipment on over the weekend ) He’s supposed to be going to Secondary school in September but hasn’t been allocated the school he wants as yet…… it’s a crazy system with about seven rounds of selection. Anyway, as he’s enjoyed home-schooling so much maybe he can just skip that step of this educational process and go straight to University. I think creative writing may well be his thing after the blog.
It seems that The Decameron was written in the time of a plague. As were several of Shakespeare’s best sellers ( there were plagues in London before the biggie ) in and of course, Pepys’s Diaries. So there is a precedent for all this creative stuff flourishing. Including my meanderings of course. Thinking of the Great Plague of London in 1665 led me to The Great Fire of London in 1666. And at this point I reveal my Big Plan to rid us of the Big V We release all the arsonists from jail, give each of them a box of matches and away we go. Second Great Fire of London and goodbye Big V. Sorted. As soon as Bojo comes out of hospital ( and we all so wish him well as he has been inspirational I think ) I am going to write to him and I am sure he will bring him into his inner circle ( if not the Cabinet itself ) as one of the eccentric, but innovative thinkers he was seeking when he came to power.
Whilst we on a cultural theme again so many people say to me they are bored and there is a kind of ennui atmosphere around reminiscent of those Russian plays by the likes of Chekov and Turgenev. You know the sort of thing. Set in country dachas with a wealthy husband, his attractive but often sickly wife, a school teacher, a doctor a farm manager a sub-plot of the servants, oh and a poor intellectual reliant on their largesse. You can perm the relationships and also draw lots for which one dies, usually by their own hand . I think we are all in those Russian dramas now, trapped in our often very tiny dachas only wihtout any other members of the cast. Except our partners.
I suspect there may be a totally novel defence to murder or manslaughter when this is over. “ I was stuck in with him for 6 months. What did you expect me to do ? “
Thanks to Jim Hone for hitting the nail on the head with this joke then
“ At the end of the second week of lockdown I’ve been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I am beginning to wonder if he might have called in those Navy Seals himself. “
Love it.
It’s the day before Passover and my domestic services are needed around the house. Tried to clean the silver yesterday but the stuff I was using set off my asthma. I would move the furniture but I’ve got a bad back. Can’t get up a ladder after my foot operation and the arthritis in my hand stops me changing any light bulbs. .Whenever Sam is asked what Grandpa does to contribute to any situation he always says “ Absolutely nothing “ I just think we should all focus on what we do best
Seriously though I really do need to help the wife and am going to hoover the tv room and dining room etc . Will welcome our cleaning lady back with open arms and brand new cleaning equipment when all of this is over.
The sun is shining which makes me feel it may be soon. But, then I am ever the optimist. I even booked our annual holiday to South Africa for next January and February this week and bought some rand on line as the exchange rate was nearly 23. Must return tomorrow to the England cricket tour when it was 25 and how the Barny Army greeted that
So, stay safe and well and see you all tomorrow if we are spared