It never rains but it pours. I listed everybody yesterday who had suddenly decided I was vulnerable and suddenly Tesco joined the party and sent me an email telling me I had been designated as vulnerable and how to get priority deliveries. I am beginning to get a bit paranoid about this vulnerable business.. I did say to my wife that maybe I could get my pot noodles and chocolate digestives from them but my wife ( always a much nicer person than me ….. not for nothing called St Marilyn of Southgate by our local friends,,,,, said I would be depriving people who really needed that delivery slot. There was a line in “ A Man For All Seasons “ when Thomas More ( I think ) says to Richard Riche ( who coincidentally was also a lawyer ) “ some men would not betray their master for all the world, but For Wales Richard, for Wales….. | Riche has just been promised a large chunk of the Welsh Principality if he, quite literally, delivers More’s head on a plate. So, I have the same sort of conundrum now. Some men would not betray their wife’s principals for all the world, but for Pot Noodles and Chocolate Digestives….
I am guessing that the ravens will leave the Tower of London before I get my noodles and chocolate biscuits from Tesco and coincidentally ( in one of my more seamless links ) there was a letter in The Times yesterday saying that from the end of the month Radio 4 will cease to broadcast current episodes of The Archers and will turn to their archives. That’s something to look forward to. Walter Gabriel reborn, Grace Archer rising from the ashes, John Archer creeping bruised, but alive from beneath the tractor, Nigel miraculously landing on a ledge as he falls from the roof. Ambridge may be free still of the Big V but it’s been on for so long that some of the old episodes may have a Spanish Flu virus sweeping through the village or an outbreak of smallpox or even The Black Death. It’s gonna be cheery. I’ve got a mug I bought from ‘ Archers Addicts ‘ ( there used to be a newspaper you could get too ) that says on it “ Fallen Archers “ and has a lot of the early deaths on it. I also recall going to see a play called “ Murder at Ambridge Hall “ at the theatre in Malvern ( I kid you not ) My friend Richard Derrington who played Shula’s first husband was in it, They killed him off ,too, a bit later in a car crash when he avoided a horse as I recall ( see what you are missing by not listening and now it may be too late ) but his end was delayed as he was one of the few members of the cast who actually had live stage experience and they needed him for the play. Like many others before him he has fallen foul of the then demagogic producer who wielded the proverbial axe.
Now it’s normally writers rather than producers who kill off their characters if they become too annoying. In my case I bump them off if I run out of plot for them. You now know how carefully planned are my books. But, I’ve turned over a new leaf ( literary pun there in case you missed it ) I am taking my time on my latest novel. I am weeks into it and have less than 10000 words to show ( that may well be because I’ve got 50000 plus words of blog to show as well ,,,, see yesterday’s blog for that subtle cross reference ). Or, which is closer to the truth it may be that I am taking far more care and time over this one, I’ve re-written the opening chapter three times and in the course of the third rewrite have actually disposed of a character almost before he had time to breathe. We are a ruthless lot us writers.
Bit like lawyers for that matter. There are no clapping nights for lawyers even though we continue to provide a vital service against all the odds. I mean with the nurses and doctors having grabbed Thursdays, the carers taking Tuesdays, and the supermarket staff, transport wokers, delivery drivers and bin men fighting each other over other days, there isn’t a lot left for us poor legal eagles.
Not sure why lawyers are always cast as the bad guys in every tv series. Ironside ( remember him? ) he was an exception but it’s hard to be in a wheel chair and be cast as evil, I guess. I am always attracted to the bad guys. ( my wife has a theory about that ) I loved Nastase and McEnroe at tennis, was bored by Federer , idolized The Stones rather than the Beatles in music, Gazza rather than Beckham at football ( not that Gazza was really a bad guy ) Botham and Kevin Pietersen in cricket rather than the run-machine Alastair Cook and on tv series ,give me Tommy Shelby of Peaky Blinders or Don Draper of Mad Men or Moishie the dodgy cousin from Unorthodox, or Brian Aldridge or Matt Crawford in The Archers, over the good guys any day. I even like Richard III and it’s interesting that in the book I was mentioning the writer says that nobody really cares about the honourable Richmond who finally kills him and ends the Plantagenet royal line. It may just be, that in fiction, at least, good is boring. Although, now I come to think of it Richard III was real. But, then I truly believe Ambridge is real as well
Speaking of boring, did anybody actually watch the whole 8 hour ( well 8 hours and five minutes to be precise ) charity music marathon organized by Lady Gaga over the weekend. Some of the performances were dire and just showed how much these artistes rely on studio production. But, there was one shining light. It’s not often that I have the Stones in my tv room whilst they are in their respective homes. It was pretty amazing, Mick was up first in a quarter of the screen on vocals. Then Keith looking like the undead on rhythm guitar, then Ronnie Wood on electric guitar and finally Charlie Watts on the right hand corner of the screen on what seemed to be air drums but was in fact Wi-drums ( don’t ask if you are over thirty ) They played “ You Can’t Always Get What You Want “ but I guess if you are The Stones then you probably can.
On the subject of music there is yet another version of The Baked Potato Song out with Matt Lucas now accompanied by Michael Ball and with “ We’ll Meet Again “ and “ You’ll Never Walk Alone “ I throw my hands up in the air, and not to conduct an orchestra either. It’s a bit like closing one’s ears over Xmas as the charts are always so awful Who can forget that appalling version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah by that dreadful woman who won some talent ( yeah right ) contest or other? If anything is bringing home to me the fact that the world is going to hell in a handcart it’s the fact that so many people are downloading or streaming that sort of stuff ( not The Baked Potato Song of course cos that’s sheer genius. ) In fact there are so many versions of it available one doesn’t know which to play first. We have Gary Barlow, Ronan Keating, Myleene Klass and Rick Astley as well ( apologies to 94 year old Isabella cos I doubt she has heard of any of them ) However, I was considering a lambast at greedy footballers today, but resisted as so many of my readers prefer a sport free blog and I’ve already mentioned some tennis players and footballers and cricketers above. Matt Lucas says his favourite filling for a baked potato is another baked potato so quite hard to find anything to follow that. I think I’ve dumbed down today’s blog quite enough and anyway I am feeling really dumb today because I watched the Final of University Challenge last night.
My wife got about eight questions right ( she always gets the scientific answers whilst I don’t even understand the questions ) ones ) I struggled to get the three pop music questions correctly answered . How on earth do these young guys know so much and how much more will they know when they grow up. ? Brandon in particular is amazing, though very annoying. Seems he insisted on the use of his first name rather than his surname which is the norm. He’d already won about 300000 dollars on Who Wants to be a Millionaire in the States and that’s without anybody coughing. I won’t say who won University Challenge in case you recorded it . Not into spoilers, but it is all over P 15 of today’s Times.Mastermind semi-final as well. So much knowledge coming out of the tv set that it’s quite overwhelming.
As you know I read the sort of news that nobody else does so for those of you who are sticking with mainstream news ( and I have to ask why ?? ) here’s the best face mask story of them all. I talked about what the Big V was doing to the careers of burglars and adulterers and now we hear of its impact on Japanese gangsters. I loved that BBC series Giri/Haji which focused on that loveable bunch of rascals whose idea of honour was to chop off the odd digit with a traditional sword. Seems the yakuza gangsters are getting on in years and suffering from diabetes and high blood pressure which makes them vulnerable to the Big V (reassuring for me to be in such good company ) Only, the Yamaguchi-gumi one of the most notorious gangs has suspended unnecessary meetings ( better than suspending their enemies from a tall building, I guess ) and ordered their members to wear masks. This has met with some resistance as it seems that having their faces covered makes it more difficult for gang members to intimidate their business contacts.
In fact I’ve got to the end and haven’t used any of the subject I prepared for today which is good because I don’t have to find anything new for tomorrow. If we are spared. Or speared. Anyway have a great day. Do unto others as you would have them do to you etc. And speaking about doing unto others it's been pointed out to me that I don't respond to comments. I am grateful for them and do keep them coming, but quite frankly I can't figure out on the home page of the website just how to write a reply ! suggestions please/ Stay safe and see you all tomorrow