We all quite rightly applaud and admire those NHS workers and delivery men, not to mention the supermarket staff who also take risks to give us ( or sell us ) our daily bread ( or as Passover starts today our daily matzah.. that’s the unleavened bread we eat over Passover for the enlightenment of my non-Jewish readers )
But let’s spare a thought for two sectors who have seen their business or opportunities go out of the window during The Big V. First of all the burglars. They normally go in through the windows so their lives have been turned upside down, for sure. Anyway, how on earth are they going to conduct their businesses when nobody ever goes out. The best they can hope for is an open window at the front whilst the family are in the garden at the back.
And then there are the adulterers ( or for those who aren’t married those who are just plain unfaithful. Where are all their excuses and alibis now?
“ Sorry, dear late night meeting?”
“ Sorry, dear, I’ve just got to go for a few drinks after week as Charlie is leaving. No, you’ve never met Charlie, but we’re really close. “…. Yeah, bet you are because Charlie is that shapely blonde who works in the post-room
“ Sorry, just had a call to go to Amsterdam on business. Wasn’t it lucky I took my passport with me to work this morning and packed that emergency over-night bag “
All gone. Saying you are stuck in a queue outside Tesco just isn’t going to cut it. They’re long but not five hours worth!
So, complaints from and sympathy for those two sectors that grease the wheels of our country. But, meanwhile and more to the point, I’ve had a complaint. Well, two actually . Probably more out there and in fact a third springs to mind. Isabella ( the 94 year old neighbour and star of stage screen and my blog ) ) says she doesn’t like the sport content (in respect of which I think I have been quite restrained ) nor is she impressed by my musical taste. Then, complaint number two. My wife thinks my content is too Jewish, I mean, how can you be too Jewish when you are Jewish ? ! And my pedantic friend Andrea says I have too many typos. Anybody else want to have a tilt at the daily entertainment I supply for nothing? ! Mind you our friend Roma called to see if I was ok because she couldn’t find Monday’s blog, so that was more like it. Complainers please take note.
I’ve no sport to write of today although take a bow Kyle Walker amd Jose Mourinho who must surely get the joint Sports Prat of The Year Award. Kyle for inviting a couple of hookers to share a fun evening with him. He qualifies on two counts. For doing it in the first place and then for thinking they wouldn’t go to the papers to sell their stories. That may well qualify him for Sports Prat of the Decade . Then Jose for having his Spurs players train in a public park in Hadley Wood. I’ve always thought of Spurs as a bunch of park players and now I know for sure.
And I am a little concerned that the radio station Talk Sport continues to broadcast. I don’t listen ( I don’t listen to any radio station except for those that play the sort of music that Isabella hates ( I must turn up the volume so she can listen through the wall and try to grow to love Vampire Weekend, The 1975. The Script. Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Paul Simon and Leonard Cohen who are the mainstays of my play-list. Oh and I’ve got quite fond of a band with the unlikely name of “ Let’s Eat Grandma “ As for Talk Sport they should surely change the name to Small Talk Sport or We’d like to talk about sport but there isn’t any so let’s shut up until it resumes )
That’s dealt with the sport and music complaints although Isabella did like my references to my mother’s superstitions. She wants me to write a whole book about it, but not too sure about the core audience to get that into the best sellers. But, I aim to please so my mother would spit three times for an einhora if she felt I had tempted fate by making too adventurous plans or somebody had the evil eye on me ( hands up all of you who had holidays booked for March, April, May … and the rest of the decade if it comes to that? . You should also have spat three times to ward off the evil eye to protect that booking . You know what to do next time, but just don’t spit next to me if you are contagious.
There we go,back on the Jewish stuff. I just can’t help it, and I’ spent a lot of yesterday helping my wife get ready for Pesach. I hoovered the tv and dining rom. I helped get the meat and milk crockery out and I’ve got all the food sorted on a trestle table, In doing that I realised I have only two bars of chocolate which is a bit of an oversight. My grandson Sam loves the Passover cereal which tastes like cardboard so when Rachel picked up her order yesterday morning, that we’d had delivered late on Sunday night I put in two boxes of the stuff. It seems he asked his Mummy randomly for some in the middle of the summer.
And as for the typos, Andrea, well, I always feel under pressure to get the blog out as I’ve so much else to do !
So, we’re back to time again and I am panicking because when I was told I had to stay in for 12 weeks that seemed like an awfully long time to me and an ample opportunity to read the 2 huge books I am reading ( Hilary Mantel you will recall and a Biography of England Cricket ( some of the terminology stumps me…. Not just in the cricket book but in Mantel as well) and a David Baldacci for whom I have a soft spot. Unlike Jeffrey Archer and Dan Brown he can write. Meanwhile I’ve been so busy working and blogging and writing my latest novel that I am less than 200 pages into the 888 of Mantel, and only half way through the cricket book And that’s not to mention the ten series I have recorded on my Sky box. And all the post that continues to pile up in my hall. I can see this ending and me saying, you know( I say that a lot ) what on earth did I accomplish in the time of plague?
So, speaking of plagues, I have to cut this short today. First night of Passover tonight when we read of the ten plagues that were sent to afflict Pharoah to encourage him to let my people go. And now we have eleven and I am also going to let my readers go. Seamless as ever. No blogs now till Sunday because of Passover so Happy Pesach to all my Jewish readers and the rest of you also stay safe See you Sunday morning if we are all spared .