My friend Jim, the one who usually lives in Spain with his lovely wife, June, has never been a seeker of headlines. In fact, he is publicity adverse, but I am truly sorry, Jim, because you have made my headline today. Regular readers will know that Jim and June have been trapped in Thailand for the duration of the Big V. We’ve had regular zoom calls with them and it’s not looked like the world’s worst incarceration. I mean, it’s not been an Iranian jail cell or anything like, rather a lovely rented villa within sight of the beach. But… and here’s the well-earned headline, having left Spain to go on holiday on 20th January this year, on 5th July, some twenty-three weeks and six days later, they got home. I hope you remembered to cancel the milk and the papers, Jim. And I hope the new Spanish outbreak that has greeted you on your return doesn’t spread to your neck of the woods.
I am not obsessed with Trump, I’m really not. But two things made me think of him again. The Philip Roth book I wrote about yesterday was written before the Trumpster was a twinkle in the Devil’s eye. And so was his finest novel ( in my opinion ) “ The Human Stain “ which is as brilliant analysis of racism as you could ever hope to find in literature. I doubt Trump has read either of them ( the suggestion is that like Corbyn he never reads ) but he should and I wonder if either of them are on Kanye West’s reading list either.
I don’t know much about Kanye’s music. I mean, I know he’s married to Beyonce and they sell millions of records and make millions of pounds and have billions of followers on social media and that he seems to have some grand idea of standing as President of the United States ( well, they elected Ronald Reagan didn’t they and in his finest acting role he played second fiddle to a dog called Bonzo, so anything can happen ) I think Kanye may have missed the deadline for registering to stand in some vital States, but you know what they say, “ Only in America “ And Kanye is a mate of Donald’s and I am thinking they may have had a chat and decided that if he splits the anti-Trump vote and thus dilutes Honest Joe that could let Donald remain in the White House ( I gather his wife wants to paint it pink anyway as she thinks that’s a prettier colour. ) Apart from “ Only in America “ they also say “ You can fool some of the people, some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. “ And the answer to that is “ Only in America. “
Bored with politics now. Certainly bored with American politics. So, let’s turn to something lighter. Is football ok ? I hear all my female readers yelling, no!!! But, rest assured this isn’t really about football at all. I saw Peter Shilton on “ The One Show “ earlier in the week. Now, I never thought that programme would survive. It’s a bit like the old “ Tonight “ show with Cliff Michelmore and you are half expecting Robin McGregor and his side-kick whose name I forget, popping up and singing a Scottish folk song whilst wearing kilts. Or Fyfe Robertson looming up on screen with his scraggly beard looking as if he had just survived a pandemic. And then there was Alan Whicker before he became really famous and items on April 1st about Spaghetti Trees as if there could ever be such a thing. I mean, everybody knows that spaghetti grows in the ground, doesn’t it?
But, The One Show has sort of won me over. It’s easy watching whilst eating supper or dinner or tea wherever you may happen to be or wherever you may happen to come from. And there was Peter Shilton being interviewed about his gambling habits along with his second wife. Seems that with her help he had conquered it and it was quite a moving interview until you remembered ( or at least I did ) that he’d previously had a bit of a drinking habit and on one famous occasion was caught out playing away with a young lady who wasn’t his first wife. Leicester City for whom he played were visiting Liverpool the next day and the Kop end at Anfield greeted him with a rousing chorus of “ Who Were You With Last Night “ I do miss the crowds at football on tv at the moment!
Meanwhile South Korea’s professional baseball league has said that all fans must wear masks, sit at least one seat apart ( not a problem at Barnet Football Club where our average home attendance is about 1200, but I wonder if they will follow the Paris example and have a teddy bear on the spare seat… or maybe a Giant Panda as it’s Korea.) and won’t be allowed to eat food in the stands. Now, that last restriction I really like. If they could extend that to the cinema and the theatre as well It would get my vote. I used to drive miles to go to the cinema at The Barbican as they didn’t allow any food in either. And then they did. I just don’t understand why cinema customers want to pay good money to watch a film and then replica the experience of slobbing out on a sofa at home eating popcorn. Actually, popcorn is the least of it. What about those smelly burgers and fries that in some posh cinemas can even be ordered from your seat and the you can tidily throw the packaging on the floor when you finish so it can be ground in nicely with the popcorn that has fallen there from those gigantic, over-filled boxes they sell.
The Koreans are taking no risks at their baseball matches. Only 30% of the seats can be sold for each match ( Barnet would like to sell that many ) fans will have their temperatures taken on their way in ( taking blood pressure during the match might be more helpful ) and will be discouraged from shouting, singing and cheering during the match. No need for that at Barnet. Nobody does except for one old boy who has been coming for years and bellows out “ Come on, Barnet, “ every so often in a foghorn voice.
The Korean experience gets worse. You can only pay by credit card. Not because the stadium and the authorities are worried about you handling cash, but because they want to be able to track you if necessary. That’s to add to the methods of mobile location data and surveillance camera footage that’s already in place. Sounds a great place to live.
I think I mentioned what a great film was the Korean Academy Award winning, “ Parasite. “ Still didn’t look like anywhere I wanted to move to next week, but the film is superb. But, it’s sub-titled. Probably a good call as I doubt many people here are fluent in Korean. Yet, so many people I’ve recommended it to have said “ Oh, it’s got sub-titles. I don’t watch anything with sub-titles. “
People are strange. Just think what they are missing. All those great Bergman films of the 50’s and 60’s. The sexy French films of a decade later. Stuff like all the Norwegian and Danish stuff on Saturday nights. Anything from the excellent “ Walter Presents “ on Channel 4 and E4. “ Babylon Berlin , “ Shtiesel” , “ Unorthodox “ and we’ve just started on the first series of the Italian drama “ My Brilliant Friend. “
Cricket is back today. And so is the rain. Just got my money back for tickets I had bought, but had blocked out the next five days so I could watch the whole England v West Indies Test Match. I can’t see many balls being bowled before Friday. You have to feel sorry for the West Indians. They’ve been here a month, living in a bubble and now they don’t get to play. What happened to “ Black Lives Matter ? “ Obviously doesn’t apply to cricketers enslaved in their bubbles poor souls. I may console myself by watching “ Fire in Babylon “ again.
So, off to not watch the cricket. Have a good day. Stay safe and if we are spared see you all tomorrow,