As soon as I finish this blog I am on the phone to New York. Yes, I know it’s early there, but when I get the bit between my teeth I can never contain myself. So, who do I need to speak to so urgently? The answer is the Harry Walker Agency. Who are they, I hear you ask ? Well, be patient and I will tell you. That’s a ridiculous piece of advice, on reflection. You have no choice but to be patient. I could be really cruel and just leave today’s blog there, but I’m a nice person as you have learned over the last 83 Blogs before this.
Harry Walker’s agency ( if , indeed, there is a Harry Walker ) is a public speaking agency and they have, in the past ( and may still today ) represent the likes of Barack ( or Barry as my old friend Hilary calls him having been a contemporary at college… is that American enough for you Mr Trump ? ) Obama. Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton ( I assume they don’t do a Greavsie and Saint type double act, as if you are watching the Hillary documentary on Sky you will know that there are times when they are barely talking to each other, let alone a paying audience. Mind, you I think an audience would have paid big bucks to have listened in on some of their conversations, as I mentioned in passing the other week. That could have been Reality TV to beat all Reality TV.
Mr Walker must be making a fortune out of that client list ( he probably charges 20% commission… outrageous when my pals at FIFA take exception to the miserly 5% we football agents charge ) and now he has new clients in the shape of Harry and Meghan. Barry O earned $400,000 for a speech in 2017. What did he say to justify that, I wonder? Did he give share tips, did he give a formula to turn base metal into gold, or did he simply coin the phrase that Black Lives Matter ? Whatever he did say, he knocked the Clintons into a hat because they are only ( ONLY !! ) earning $250,000 a speech.
Goodness, knows what price the Royals ( or ex-Royals ) might command. Although they are only going to be “ engaging in moderated discussions with trade associations, corporations and forums “ As a somewhat less than average actress Megan will be able to pass on her super expertise to those groups, whilst Harry ( with his First Class Degree from Cambridge, or was it Oxford ? Or was it another Harry? Or was that Bojo ? Who knows and who cares?) will pass on his expertise on absolutely nothing. The fact is these two parasites of society ( I will talk about the Korean film “ Parasite “ tomorrow ) will be earning more money than most people earn in a decade for waffling on for an hour or so. Can you imagine what Trump will earn if he is paid by the hour rather than the content.?
The ex-Royals topics will be in relation to social issues ( like they know anything about society.. ) racial justice ( yes, ginger people are so discriminated against ) gender equality ( well we all know who wears the trousers in that relationship ) mental health ( ok, I’ll give Harry that one, at least. ) and the environment ( let’s see just how big a house they finally build in California and how high is the wall around it… all good for the environment ) They won’t be talking about the Royal Family which is probably the only thing they could have spoken about with any real knowledge or conviction.
So, I’ve still not told you why I need to speak to Mr Walker so urgently. I need him to tune into my talk tonight to the Catford and District Synagogue ( it’s on zoom if you want to catch it at 7.00pm The meeting ID is 85041145995. Password is 6188870) Once he has done that I can start negotiating my fees for the after-dinner circuit of speakers. I’m doing this one tonight for free, by the way, as a loss leader.
I’m working on my CV8 to sell myself to Mr Walker as well. Sports lawyer, lecturer, author, poet, songwriter ( well one song anyway ) Blogger, Husband of Marilyn, Grandfather to Sam and Cara, Father of Nicky and Paul, Grandpuppy Wanda, Neighbour of Isabella aged 94, ( she told me she was 92 the other day, but I am not having any of that ) and Stephen who also reads my blog , … Yes as Bob Dylan said, “ I am Multitudes “ and am just hoping that the Walker Agency realizes that I would be a huge asset to their organization.
Oh, and I don’t laugh at my own jokes either. Well, why should I? Nobody else does . Mr Trump certainly does ( he is so much the gift to bloggers that keeps on giving ) Yesterday’s effort was an address to University students when he called the Big V, “ Kung Flu “ Nothing racist there, Donald. And he went on to repeat the “ joke “ three times in the same speech. If it wasn’t funny the first time then it got less and less funny with each telling. The student audience whooped with delight. There’d been a fair bit of movement on social media predicting he would say it and obviously some of the students had had a bet on the number of times. Donald grinned with delight. He is too stupid to get ironical adulation.
Meanwhile he had to report over 150,000 new cases of the Big V in the States yesterday . We had about 650. What with those statistics, the Black Lives Matter ( but not to Donald) Movement the crashing economy (of which he was so proud and might even have just got him re-elected ), the rising crime statistics, the latest election poll figures which show him and his party way behind Joe Biden, I think the guy might, just might, have a few problems.
I heard somebody say on Virgin this morning that “ Ignorance is the key to enlightenment “ If that’s the case then Donald has a whole jail full of keys only I doubt he can fit any of them in the lock called enlightenment. He is Nero reborn, fiddling whilst Rome ( or in his case, the USA, ignites and burns
Mr Walker ( he’ll be sure to read my blog once he has heard me speak ) please note I can tell good stories as well. I love the one I heard on the radio the other day. There’s a guy called Vassos Alexander who is a sports reporter, presenter, author and endurance runner. Maybe I can introduce him to the Walker Agency as well, once I have my feet under the table. He also has a teenage son aged 14, called Matthew. Seems the other day Matthew had abused his phone. I can’t recall if he’d used it too much or just when he was supposed to be doing his homework, but it doesn’t really matter. The bottom line was that Vassos confiscated it and said that he would return it when he got home from work the following day.
Vassos got a text from his wife Caroline ( you must feel you really know this family by now ) which said that Matthew was being very good, really helpful around the house and could she return his phone to him and if she could where had Vassos hidden it? Vassos was very impressed that his punishment of his son had got such a great result in a personality change and agreed that she could. When he got home he found she knew nothing about the text, Matthew had been the same teenager he always was, although with some inventive genius had got hold of his mother’s phone and sent the text. I can’t tell you what happened next as Vassos didn’t share that family secret.
And I am going to share no more of mine. Have a good day. Stay safe. Be good to see you all on line at 7 tonight and in any event see you all tomorrow if we are spared.