What seems like decades ago I think I used a line from a Robert Browning poem. I couldn’t recall the name of the poem back then , but now I know it was “ A Toccata of Galuppi‘s “ and I also know I misquoted it. The actual lines I was seeking were in fact
“ What became of soul I wonder
When the kissing had to stop. ? “
And for months now the public kissing has had to stop. But, you can’t keep a good Frenchman down and now, in typical Gallic fashion, they are permitting on-screen kissing (don’t know if it’s French kissing or not ) once again. So, the soul is stirring in Paris if not anywhere else ( yesterday’s blog was all science, today it’s culture ) And it is certainly not stirring on Coronation Street .
I must be one of the very few folk in the UK who has never seen an episode of Corrie as I believe its addicts call it. I am not even sure where or when it is set apart from it being “ UP NORTH “ And we Southerners all know what that’s like ( Sorry, Jo and Steve ) . I do know the name Elsie Tanner but couldn’t pick her out in an identity parade. Anyway, no kissing, French or otherwise, in Corrie. They’ve replaced all their steaming sex scenes with “ verbal come-ons “ I have to say I am tempted to dip into an episode to see exactly what that might be. Removing your hair-net and support stockings before sex, maybe? But, I am really not that curious and life is too short, so why break a habit of a life-time ?
Meanwhile in all the soaps filming stopped at the end of March and they were eking out the episodes in the cans. Now, they are starting production again. But, there are big buts. Actors have to apply their own make-up ( my wife does that every day to maintain standards so I can’t see that being such a hardship ) and over 70’s have been written out. Bit harsh that. Ageist even. I mean one of the characters in The Archers is played by an actress who is a hundred years old in real life. What are they going to do with her? I don’t think they really need be concerned about any kissing in any episodes involving her other than a peck on a cheek and you can do that with a sound effect. Maybe using coconut shells which I understand are often put to good use on the radio.
Speaking of The Archers, they are bringing Nigel back. Yes, I did a double-take when I heard that too. I mean the bloke fell off the roof to his death years ago. But, its ok. He’s coming back as a ghost and he’s probably going to haunt the recording studio in protest at the fact that the writers didn’t need to have killed him off. They could have just made him a paraplegic in a wheel chair, which would have been a story line that ran and ran. I think the suggestion may be that David ( who wasn’t his biggest fan, but was up on the roof with him ) might have pushed him. Sounds like a typical everyday story of country folk to me. Dum de dum de dum de dum.
I would love to be able to get to the country again, but my friends Bojo and The Caretaker and the NHS continue to offer me false dawns. They now say that those of us shielding will be allowed to rejoin the human race on August 1st. One part of me is self-congratulatory as I predicted July 31st as an end date as long ago as March. The more cynical part of me says that the unholy duo ( Bojo and The Caretaker ) read my blog, went racing off to Corals to see what odds they could get and are now fixing the end date so they can collect.
I am not sure it ends there for us poor abandoned souls. “ The Sun “ yesterday ( always a mine of information ) ran an article on how to unlock the lock down. I didn’t read it as I prefer my newspaper to have words rather than cartoons. But, my prime source of news (yip, Chris Evans Breakfast Show ) said it was all about the psychology of going out for the first time for what will, by then, be nearly six months. It seems that you have to place your hand on your heart and focus on that, rather than on the fear. I am quite content to place my hand on my heart and swear an oath to seek revenge on those who have wrongfully imprisoned me, whilst keeping busy themselves in knocking off upwards of forty thousand of the rest of the population. Please don’t tell me this isn’t the time for recriminations. But what a fine mess they have got us into.
Think a fairly encouraging number of people are saying the same about The Trumpster in the States. I love that he said that he’d received over a million applications for tickets to his weekend rally and then got about 14,000 there. Apart from anything else there was a surge from Tic-Toc followers to apply for tickets, get them allocated and then just not go. Accounted for some of the empty space ,but not the great majority. Donald had hired a car park that held 40,000 for the overflow gathering, had erected giant screens and at the last count before the screens were removed, together with the stage and anything else that suggested something might have been planned, there were 25 people there and a hot dog stand. Didn’t stop The Donald ranting and raving for a full two hours and making the sickest and the worst joke of the whole Big V experience ( I know about bad and sick jokes, but even I, am not going to insult your intelligence by repeating it here) I think what sums the rally up the most was that Nigel Farage got there somehow or other. Trump and Farage. They really do deserve each other, don’t they?
People are also saying we are appreciating nature more. I certainly love my garden and the birds that come in to share it with us. I’ve now identified ( with the help of my missus, a Jay, a Goldfinch, a Robin, a blackbird ( wearing a teeny t-shirt that says Blackbird Lives Matter ) a magpie ( wearing a miniature Newcastle United short ) parakeets ( loads of them in North London ) and of course, my first and most favoured, the pigeon. Thinking of making them my specialist subject on Mastermind.
Meanwhile, The Queen is being urged to end her involvement in pigeon racing ( they weren’t hers involved in that return to sport, when pigeon racing was the first back by the way ) And as a pigeon fancier and a newly born bird lover I can understand why. She sent eight birds in a crate from the royal loft in Sandringham to take part in the sport’s biggest competition in South Africa and all eight died in quarantine. Pigeon Lives Matter too.
The race in which they were intended to take part was the South African Million Dollar Pigeon Race, known as the Pigeon Olympics ( trust me, I am not making any of this up. I never make anything up. I am a lawyer after all ) Even if they had got to the starting post (or the starting perch or wherever they start the race ) seems that it’s 570 miles to fly in very hot weather. And then at the end, if birds perform badly they are culled ! You won’t be surprised to learn that there is growing interest in the sport from China ( where they will bet on anything ) That has inflated the value of the birds with the best records. Armando, a Belgian bird, was sold to China for £1.07m when he won all the three races before the sale and when he got to China ( I don’t think they made the poor creature fly there ) …. I can hardly type this for laughing…. he was put out to stud. Presumably with several feathers in his cap.
I am not having a go at Steve from Up North but his team Burnley lost 5-0 last night. And some Burnley fans flew a plane over the stadium carrying the legend “ White Lives Matter. “ That was truly awful and a sign that racism still thrives in this great country of ours. But, what it should have said, as a riposte to what is rapidly becoming positive discrimination (and look where that got the South African cricket team ) is “ ALL lives matter. “ Black, yes. White, yes. Jewish, yes, Gay, yes, Muslim, yes, pigeons, yes etc etc.
I do try to keep my nose out of politics if I can so on a more relevant note there was a mini headline in “ The Times “ today that said, “ Stein Closes Restaurants. “ But, I don’t have any I thought and if I had all they would sell would be Pot Noodles, Cuppa-soups and toast, so no wonder they are closing. When I ready more closely it was referring to Rick Stein.
Meanwhile, if you are free at 7.00pm ( UK time ) on this coming Thursday you might fancy tuning in on Zoom when I do a talk to Catford and Bromley Synagogue. It’s entitled “ My Life Through Books “ ( to those of you who may think you have heard it before there will be some new stuff ! ) although maybe I should have called it “ My Life Through Blogs “
Thanks to regular reader Daniel Anderson for commenting this morning that it’s shlep to Catford, South of the River, just to hear me speak. But, you do get to see me as well, Daniel.
The Zoom meeting ID is 85041145995
Password is 618870
Stay safe and if we are spared I will see you all tomorrow ( and Thursday evening)