So, I’ve decided to leave the world stage and get all parochial. That’s why this isn’t really a blog at all today. It’s a rant. It’s me opening my window and screaming at the top of my voice, “ Are you all mad ? Are you all totally out of your respective boxes ? “
The London Borough of Enfield where I live has ( up to now ) one of the lowest per capita death tolls from The Big V. Do you know that in 60 previous blogs I have never used the words “ The Big V “ and “ death “ in the same sentence. I mean, I’ve spoken about Death, that jolly old man with the pointy hat and the scythe and his horse Binky, on any number of occasions. But this isn’t him. This is the nasty kind of Death.
The good citizens of Enfield seemed yesterday to be hell-bent on changing the statistic in the previous paragraph, Now, I know I am not one to look to for up to date news, but even I know that the relaxation of the lock-down was based on a walk with one friend, or meeting one friend, whilst still keeping that six feet apart. Now, it seems that Bojo and presumably Caretaker Dom ( that’s Cummings ) have given the Great British Public an inch and they have grabbed a whole mile.
I watched in astonishment as a group of ten ( yes, I am not Diane Abbott and I can count that far ) walked by my house. Two women pushing two prams. Two men chatting, two little kids and then two slightly older kids bringing up the rear. In fact, that’s eight and assuming the prams weren’t empty that’s ten. Then we put out our rubbish bins for collection. That necessitates me moving my car and as I’ve mentioned before I drive it around the block.
More groups chatting and walking, at the entrance to the park a veritable scrum, up to the roundabout ( hope you are enjoying your virtual tour of Southgate) and yet more people. A group of four cyclists, two abreast and then at the Kebab place at the top of my road which is open for take-aways, car after car parked on double yellow lines and up on the pavement , people sitting on the dropped tail-gates ( very American that ) of their vehicles munching kebabs, a queue outside the shop of about a dozen, No tape or lines on the pavement to separate them and inside they were all pushing and shoving to get near the counter.
I’ve never met Caretaker Dom and I doubt I ever will, but I actually felt sorry for the poor bloke. The Press are pillorying him for doing ( with much better cause than buying a kebab ) exactly what the majority of the population of Enfield at least ( and I suspect most of the United Kingdom ) are doing. It’s as if they have all turned into lemmings and are throwing themselves at The Big V instead of off a cliff and saying “ take me I’m yours. “
There’s a film on tv this week called “ I am Legend “ It’s adapted from an excellent book by Richard Matheson an equally excellent writer of Science Fiction ( he also wrote, “ The Incredible Shrinking Man “ and “ Somewhere in Time “ and some of the original Star Trek episodes. In “ Legend “ there is only one man left alive on Earth. I reckon that’s where all these people who are flouting these rules are going to lead us.
Maybe I will be “ Legend “ having listened to the little man/ woman who told me not to go out till the end of June ( driving my car around the block doesn’t count as I kept the windows closed ! )
Thinking about those stirring messages from the NHS in March and April ( see very early blogs) I realise that I’ve not heard a dicky bird ( not even via pigeon mail ) from them since 30th April when they told me to share my experiences. Which I’ve been doing without pause ever since in these blogs.
Anyway, adhering to the rules, Sam met Wanda and Wanda met Sam and it was love at first sight. Wanda now thinks that the nightmare journey back from LA was worth it. She has a brand new, loving family and lots of parks in which to frolic. And a bigger apartment in which to fall asleep. So Doggy World is good for her.
I looked in my diary yesterday. Always a fatal mistake. Saw I should have been flying to Spain on June 7th for a ten day holiday. So, I decided to get some kind of normality back into my life and booked a holiday. You may recall that right at the start I said The Big V was bad for burglars and adulterers. Now, I have no statistics for adulterers , but certainly crime has fallen dramatically. Burglaries are tough when nobody goes out, car-jacking a bit tricky when all cars are either garaged or on a front drive and to be able to steal a mobile phone there needs to be somebody walking down the street and using one. So, what’s that got to do with me booking a holiday? I am just trying to help a threatened species by telling any stray burglars who may be reading my blog that I will be going to our time share in Estepona next May…. I hope. I mean nobody is going to organize a flag day for burglars so it’s the least I can do. Mind you, I suppose I could leave my front door open when I go out to clap for the NHS on Thursday
Typing this at some unearthly hour today. Woken up by a phone pinging a news flash ( can you imagine me being interested enough to read it at 2.00 am? ) Then by the newspaper delivery guy at 4.30 am. Then by the refuse collectors at 5.45 am. What our collectors do is arrive at the crack of dawn, put the bins off the drive on to the pavement and then go away, presumably to grab another hour or two of sleep before they return to empty the bins. I think the system needs reviewing myself, but I am not prepared to take on a group of burly guys who, having emptied the bins, then leave them either across my drive or on the pavement and that assumes we don’t end up with the bins from next door. And they expect an Xmas box as well. I’ve never dared to see what happens if I don’t leave them one.
I’ve never seen the bloke who delivers our papers and I Sellotape an envelope with some money in it to the front door at Xmas. It’s always taken though I have no real evidence that it’s taken by the newspaper delivery guy. It could well be the refuse collectors double-dipping. Just realized that it’s only May and I am writing about what may or may not happen in December which I suppose does show an element of optimism alongside the booking of the holiday. Unless the nutters flouting the regulations as per my opening paragraph ruin everything for me. And everybody, for that matter.
Zoom calls today to Thailand and Italy so I get about even if it’s just from my office. Got Portugal, Argentina and LA to look forward to on Thursday so I really do get around. I continue to be amazed at the number of people in random places who read this. Daphne tells me that alcohol ban in South Africa is being lifted from next Monday. My old pal Andy in Altrincham (where they most certainly would not have stood for an alcohol ban ) surfaced to tell me he was enjoying my blogs as did another old friend Bob Mountfort who told me he and his wife have both had the Big V. Pleased you are feeling better. See, this blog has stopped being a rant and is now like a radio show with shout-outs for favoured readers.
Actually, you are all favoured readers so stay safe and if we are spared I will see you all tomorrow.