Is nothing sacred? I spent a lot of time and effort in creating my Big V brand and now, today, everybody seems to want to cash in on the highly derivative V-E Brand. You can bring a legal passing off action if the rogue brand name is likely to cause confusion in the eyes of the public. Well, I leave you to form your own conclusions on that one.
This V-E Day stuff has also exploded the myth that I’ve woven around myself that I am a War Baby and that it was really tough growing up in London in the Blitz. And now, everybody thinks I have been laying it on very thickly all these years. I told you, what seems like a lifetime a go in a very early blog that Sam, my grandson refused to believe me when I told him that I was a Baby Spy and parachuted behind enemy lines with a gun in my nappy. And now, everybody knows that it can’t be true.
I suppose the war in the Japan and the East was still going on in July 1945 when I was born ( stubborn buggers the Japanese…. A Japanese soldier came out of hiding in the 1970’s to be told that the war everywhere had been over for thirty years and he’d totally missed the little scrap in Korea next door? Which does, technically make me a war baby, though I don’t think I can maintain the lie about being an undercover agent. If I were ever to be invited on to “Would I Lie to You? “ then I suppose I could give the story another airing.
My wife and I were transferring names and addresses from our old address book to a new one I bought on line. Not many on offer, so I suppose they are a bit passé as everybody else I know keeps their information on their phone or computer. But, I like the old ways. I mean those of us who endured the War like to cling to traditions. So, as the old address book was pretty full ( if we were looking for somebody whose name began with an ‘H “ we had to look through from ‘G-K ‘ as it had got a bit random) Also half the people in there had either emigrated, died, divorced, moved or simply fallen off the edge of the world in which we make calls. I used to use it a reference book for my Xmas card list ( yes, I know I am Jewish, but we do live in a Christian country and we do have lots of non-Jewish friends ) Many of them read this…. so if you don’t get a card next year, you now know why…. your address didn’t move from one book to another. In fact, these last few years I’ve taken to waiting until I get a card before reciprocating which means that instead of buying about 100 cards I now send out about 6. No wonder the charity sector is in trouble.
Anyway in the process of the transfer I came across the name of an old acquaintance, Vernon Epstein ( who to my knowledge is not one of my readers ) I won’t tell you whether or not we transferred his details at the time, but am certainly going to do so now. I mean he must be important. He’s got a day dedicated to him. ( think about it. V-E Day .Jokes are never so good when you have to explain them)
I was going to talk ages ago about the etiquette of Jokes in the time of The Big V. Some people seem to send on everything they get most of which just aren’t funny. Others send long videos. Most of which just aren’t funny. So, you have to be a bit selective about the material you choose to share. Read it once, read it twice. Watch it once, watch it twice. Sing Happy Birthday twice. Sing Happy V-E day twice. Then, if you still have a smile on your face and you haven’t lost the will to live, send it.
The exception to that is my good friend Jim Hone ( still stuck in Thailand, though stuck is a bit harsh as he seems to be well settled, extraordinarily comfortable and I hope I am not tempting fate here, Jim, but safe as well.) Anyway he does send me lots of videos and jokes and every one is a winner because I know he spends a lot of time separating the wheat from the chaff. Today’s best one was :-
“ Karen was cleaning Kyle’s rifle and accidentally shot him. She calls 911.
“ It’s my husband, “ says Karen, “ I’ve accidentally shot him. I’ve killed him.
The 911 operator replies, “ Please calm down, ma’aam, can you please make sure he’s actually dead. “
There’s a click on the line and then BANG Karen resumes the conversation by saying,
“ OK, I’ve done that. What now ? “
This may seems to have no connection at all with VE Day or the fact I had breakfast in the garden this morning. Sun was shining and it meant my wife could listen to the news on TV to her heart’s content without me turning over to an old episode of “ Porridge “ or “ Dad’s Army. “ They’ve both stood the test of time very well, by the way. So, there I was sitting in the still of a sunny May morning and my mind drifted back to the Great War. Not the one of 1914-18 or 1939-45 but the one that took place yesterday lunch-time some two or three houses away.
We were having lunch outside ( we know how to live in Southgate, North London ) when all hell broke loose. A woman starting screaming. A man screamed back. She made all sorts of threats. Neither of them seemed to be screaming all the time in English ( reminded me a bit of the opera where everybody also screams in a foreign language until everybody dies and the audience can wake up, go home and tell all their friends they’ve been to The Opera and how wonderful it was ) This screaming match in the back garden was providing real lunch-time entertainment. Far better than the usual lunchtime television fare where people buy antiques and then re-sell them and jump up and down and embrace when they’ve made a profit ( obviously filmed pre Big V… trying to claw back my copyright there )
She threatened to call her brother whose house it seemed to be. She threatened to call the police. We and other neighbours who had all come out to listen ( we couldn’t see what was going on ) thought about calling the police as well. It died down and then started up again. And again. It seemed to be seconds away from violence and then like the Wars it ended. All Quiet on the Western Front. Another wonderful book by German writer Erich Maria Remarque, I think ( told you I have this knowledge of obscure writers) and let’s let bygones be bygones even though it’s told from the German point of view, like that other wonderful long-lost and recently discovered novel “ All for Nothing “ …. You must read them both if you haven’t already.
It was only later in the evening that we discovered that the hostilities had begun over something fairly trivial ( bit like The War of Jenkin’s Ear ) One neighbour had cut the branches off another neighbour’s tree that overhung their garden. Couldn’t tell you who was the outraged party or the nationalities of the participants but unlike any other wars I can’t wait for the fighting to start again.
We’ve found our Union Jack to wave later on when we have a sort of street party with tea on our front drive. . I’ve got every flag under the sun in the house as we use them for our annual Eurovision party ( love Eurovision.) We watch it with sub-titles so can understand the amazing lyrics. Who can forget the Russian grandmothers of a few years past? That’s yet another event that’s had to be put out to grass this year. But it will be back I am sure. Bigger and better than ever. Speaking of Bigger seems Trump’s driver has the Big V and he’s also the guy who serves him his food. Wonder if his version is the biggest and the best yet. He doesn’t need to worry. The Dettol injection is just a foot-step away.
Anyway, my Friday housework calls. The through room consisting of the tv room and dining room. Springsteen on Alexa to ease my burden. Decided not to work today ( real work that is ) so just going to get down and dirty with my new novel after getting down and dirty with the duster and the hoover
Have a good day and a good Sabbath or whatever your religion may be. Stay safe and see you all on Sunday if we are spared.