mel's meanderings

Mel’s Meanderings

New World Day 15

I posed that old familiar question to myself today, “ If a tree falls in a snow covered empty forest, does it make a sound? “

Now, I asked that question whilst getting dressed and you may well ask why. Or maybe you just think if the bloke wants to talk to himself whist getting dressed then that’s nobody’s business but his own. To be honest, since I got dressed I’ve been on the phone so much that a) my battery went flat and b) I’m losing my voice…. to the point that I’ve just diverted another conference call to tomorrow morning.

What’s this got to do with trees falling in empty forests, snow-covered or otherwise, I hear you say? Be patient, I am pulling the strands together. Conference calls, zoom app, what do you wear and does it matter if nobody can see you? Well, the fact of the matter is that you can be seen on zoom, of course, but not in your entirety ( unless you are using zoom for a purpose for which it really wasn’t intended ) So, here’s the thing. Are you badly dressed if nobody can see you or will see you ,unless they are Peeping Tom’s ( now that was a great and scary film so memo to me to catch up on it ) ?

Over the recent years I’ve had a regular debate with my wife on my dressing habits and one in particular. I’m sure that like a lot of men I often miss a loop in my belt. It’s not a vital loop as I’ve never known my trousers to fall down, but my wife says ( and this even after I’ve pulled on a sweater over my shirt ) that it makes me look like an old man. Well, dear, I’ve news for you. I am an old man. Or am I? Given that nobody gets to see me as I don’t go out or even answer the door have I become that tree falling without a sound? And does it really matter if I’ve missed a loop? Or wear green socks with blue jeans? Or even just patter around in my jogging bottoms and running tops? I don’t want to give you the impression that I can run anymore, but just making sure you know that I do possess a whole selection of exercise shirts.

My wife has organized a tea-party with friends this afternoon and even as I type she is deliberating what to wear and even considering a skirt and a hat. One thing is for sure. I will be inspecting her garb to ensure that any belts are firmly secured through all the loops. There are standards that need to be maintained.

Whilst on the subject of etiquette ( and I’ve addressed the etiquette for our times before though I can’t remember the exact context… I ought to be keeping index cards with cross references of subjects and characters like Terry Pratchett did for his Discworld books ) there surely should be some do’s and don’ts ( not sure where the apostrophes go in that phrase ) about television viewing . I can’t believe I am the only person who hasn’t made it through a single programme without being interrupted by the phone. So, what to do? Do you tell the caller you’re watching something and ask if you can call them back? Bit hard to make that excuse when most of the stuff we watch is from our Sky boxes or can be paused. Or do you take the call and let your other half continue watching? That can be annoying when they finish the call and ask what’s happened and can you rewind? Or do you go into something else to watch whilst the call is being taken and risk the wrath of your partner when they return all ready to resume watching the interrupted programme and find you ensconced in something they hate and you can normally only watch when they are out ( do you remember ‘out’ as a concept ? ) Or finally, do you put the phone on to answerphone and just don’t answer at all? Which presents its own problems because people calling you and getting no answer will either call the police to snitch on you for going out or send round some burly ambulance men to break down your door and remove your inert body. I think, on reflection, the best bet may be just to leave your phone off the hook when you are have a serious tv watching session. And nowadays what sessions aren’t serious?

‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ gets better and better and if you haven’t got Sky, then you should. This series of ‘Homeland’ is ratcheting up to be one of the best ever so shame on you if you gave up several series again. And I’m loving ‘Breeders’ and ‘Hit Men’ and my secret vice is the ‘Trouble with Maggie Cole’ with Dawn French. It’s sort of comforting.

After the successful publication of yesterday’s blog I am back to typing this as a word document in the hope I can cut and paste it into the website from which I publish. And maybe even on to Facebook though that failed miserably yesterday and I think I only succeeded in posting a few symbols on to the page of somebody I’ve never even heard of which must have puzzled them greatly. You don’t know how super techie that is for me so if there’s a delay then it’s because I have to wait for Rachel to finish work and do it for me. You have to help the elderly at this time, even those with a loop missed on their belts.

On the subject of helping, the hard luck story of the day is that of my friend Suzanne ( I must remember to send her the link and tell her she has joined the cast of thousands ) She posted on Facebook in somewhat unlady-like terms that, as she was going to the chemist she offered to collect a prescription ( or meds as she said cos she is North American ,,,, Carrie in Homeland is always struggling with her meds even in this 8th series ) for one of her elderly housebound neighbours. She then fell over the old lady’s walker ( another Americanism (even though she’s Canadian ) fell down the stairs face first and suffered a split lip and possible dental issues As she added today, “ No good deed goes unpunished .”

Speaking of good deeds ( still keeping up the seamless links ) Sainsburys continue to stay far, far away from delivering them. Or even delivering any food. As I said I left them all my details on their automatic messaging service when I got through to them, they said they would call or email today, but zilch. Normally, I would write a letter of complaint to their Head of Customer Service ( probably furloughed ) or their CEO ( probably hiding in Big V free Ambridge… it continues to be so ) or The Chairman ( or all three ) But, I’m thinking they’re probably not going in to open their post and if they are then they aren’t answering it.

However, my nice fruit and veg company ( you remember, they are the one whose details I am not sharing ) are delivering. And so efficiently that they even delivered a box or two today that I hadn’t ordered. Honest as ever I did email them back although really didn’t think I’d get a reply. So my wife opened the box and distributed it between our fridge, the 94 year old Isabella ( let’s not forget her as we have an understanding that she will pay me per mention ) and a friend who is helping us out with our shopping ( thanks again Sainsburys) That’s when poor Marlon the Delivery Man came to the door and asked for the box back as it was intended for another customer .I’ve called the company and am now paying for yet another box of fruit and veg ( don’t forget company number 2 who “lost “ our order did re-deliver as well……. “ lost “ my foot. It’s been nicked. Fresh produce is the new currency. We are about to enter a new age of barter about which tomorrow ) And I’ve a surplus of fruit and veg with which to barter.

So, we’re not starving yet, unlike my poor friend Jim trapped in Thailand who is learning how to tickle fish out of the sea in between sending me a whole stream of funny postings he has received. Again, I’ll address that etiquette tomorrow too.

Oh well, it’ s time for my umpteenth conference call of the day, so I need to get changed. Thought about a dinner suit and black tie for this one.

Keep safe and keep the faith . See you tomorrow if we are all spared.